2010 is...hhmm...

Wow. It's been 5 months and 11 days since I last updated my blog. I was this close, THIS CLOSE (buat gaya cubit) to terminating my blog forever. But, there are requests by friends here and there asking me to update it. Thing is, since 5 months ago, it is almost impossible to update it due to lack of time. (Ok, maybe aku sorang je tak gheti nak bahagi masa hahaha)

Anyways, a lot of things had happened since I entered the Hons programs. I've met a lot of nice, genuine people and I also found out that LLB can bring the worst out of you. No, seriously. I'm talking about the times when friends become foes, or strangers. Like, their tigers were unleashed all of a sudden. But not good tigers. hahaha. Bak kata orang Melayu, keluar dah belang masing-masing. Lol. All in all, I've built some good memories with the peeps. And managed to re-build new ones with old friends.

Talking about LLb, oh man..mana nak start pun tak tau. It's true what they say, it's hell man. Your life revolves around stress, fighting with time, lack of sleep. You cry a lot (Ok, I admit...haha) struggling with the deadlines etc. Memang a life of a zombie I tell you. Tapi, best. Seriously. Kin, if you baca my post, jangan takut wokeh! You can do it! Tapi sumpa I bagitau you, masuk LLb xsempat nak procrastinate tau! haha.

Hmm...my hols turned out not bad at all. Im officially the maid at home..(Productive sket kehidupan) I get to spend time with my friends every week. It's all good. Kena maki dengan mak tu biasela kan? hehe. I've been exercising too! Xdela rasa guilty makan cheese cake Mama buat wahahaha..And it's World Cup season!! I'm rooting for Spain & Argentina! Woot woot!!

Btw, Can't wait for Phuket! Soo looking forward to it!! ;)

Hidup dalam h.i.t.a.m.p.u.t.i.h

Baru 3 hari in LLB Hons Part 1 dah rasa nak mati. Thanks.

LLB-Lama Lama...(don't get me started :D)

Yayy, got into the LLB program.

Yayy, so not ready to go back to school after a half year mini holiday. (excluding 3months working period)

Yayy, can't wait to see all my friends!

Yayy, never ending UiTM problems!

Yayy, black & white, 7th heaven.

Yayy, exams, tests & submissions, books.

Yayy, scary lecturers.

Yayy, blue pak guards all over UiTM yang sangat rajin menjalankan kerja menyaman

YAYY DEAN!


Goodbye 8hours of sleep.

Goodbye hangouts, mamak at night.

Goodbye life.

Goodbye Facebook, Twitter, Chasing Rainbows.

Goodbye hobbies.

Goodbye Rico, Goodbye Shaggy.

Goodbye holiday.

Goodbye 2009.


Thank YOU God, for this opportunity. I accept this as my second chance to prove myself ;)

Hello, 2010. Please be nice to me. :)

Does everything really happen for a reason??

Unfortunately for me, regret is the driving force behind my moving-on mission.

But oh well, it's a happy thought.


Credit to whoever did this :)

:(

Kawan saya dah berubah. I barely knew her anymore. Sedih ada, disappointed pun ada. Kenapa dia berubah pun saya tak tau. Tapi, saya tak suka.

Even so, I am not in the position to tell her about this. We barely talk nowadays. Not even text messaging. I just want to know why. Because, she used to be different. She used to be someone I know that would never do something like that.

Maybe, I don't know her that well? Maybe that's the real her? Was she influenced by someone,anyone? Is this what she want, all this while?

I feel like, I want to protect her; like always. I feel like I need to do something about it. But, it'll just ruin everything in a split second. I want to, but I just can't. Sigh.

Kepada si Awak, saya nak awak tahu bahawa saya sangat sayangkan awak. I just hope that you have your own solid reasons for all these. I love you, but I don't like your new appearance. Seriously, what happen to you? I miss the old you.

P/s. I'm sorry but I just need to be frank about this. Can't deny that I was a bit shocked and upset. I hate changes. :(

Taking back my love

Saya sudah cuba yang terbaik. Minta maaf sudah, cuba contact sudah, tapi semua to no use.

Sorry IS the hardest word. I've let down my guard, I've done almost everything.

Tapi, masih tiada reply. Hmm...Am I forgiven or not? Tuhan je tau.

Mintak maaf kat Ma and Abah macam lagi senang je. Cakap sorry sekarang, pastu buat lagi. Next Raya, minta maaf lagi. Ahahaha..

Bak kata orang, tak payah lah mengharap sangat. Do what you gotta do then pray for the best. I pray for forgiveness. Is it worth all this? Ntah lah. I guess..

Btw,hari ni asyik gelak macam siots jer. Thanks to Nina, Sha, Adik, Azreen and myself. (vain? think again!) I love meeting the cousins. They're all maniacs! LOL

Lagi satu, sekarang ni kepala asyik fikir pasal makanan je. Dah la tengah Raya, perut makin bulat macam Teletubby (Saya nak kaler yang paling best chopp! pastu nak plasma tv please, xmain la tv kecik-kecik sebab perut saya bunch! haha)

And guess what? Nina, Sha and I are such good actors at the office. Aren't we,fellas? Muahaha. bab pura-pura berlakon depan boss nombor satu :P

RIP OLEEN Sept 17,2009. 10.15pm

I can't really say much about how devastated I am with the lost.

I've grown to love Oleen ever since the first time I set my eyes on her.She was great, playful, an eating machine and definitely adorable.

She was weak and unlike her real self during her last days on earth.

Her death saddened me. It really got me there.

In the last couple of days, she didn't want to be kept in the cage(for monitoring purposes) because, according to Mama, cats will find another place other than home if they're dying. Oleen chose the narrow drain at the back of the house.


Sept 17,2009. 9.30 pm
It was raining cats and dogs since 6.30 p.m. We never knew where Oleen was. Then, Akak searched for Oleen and found her in the same drain, cold, soaking wet and so weak. Abah and Akak picked her up and I heard a shrieking sound that I will never forget; Oleen cried. Loudly. The sound was so disturbing, it made akak panicked and she quickly put Oleen down. I was shocked, I couldn't utter a word. I just watched her lying there in the rain. Then, I took a towel and wrapped her in it. The sound of her, crying, heavy breathing completely got me. I cried so hard watching her. Couldn't hold back the tears..The world cried too, for she's a lovable creature that God gave us even though it has not been 2 months. Abah put an umbrella to shade her from the rain and Ma asked me to put her in the box with a dry towel. I picked her up slowly and put her in the box. She was so tiny, all that's left were bones and skin and she was different. She looked different.

After a while, Ma asked me to bring her in because it was cold outside and I did exactly what she told me to do. Then, that same sound again. Oleen tried hard to get out of the box and out of the house in her weakest body. I quickly burst into tears again like crazy and tell her "No, Oleen, no" and let her outside again. This time, she had no strength to fight again.

I watched her gasping for air as she was trying to breathe. It was painful for me to watch, let alone for her to suffer like that. I couldn't stop crying and I can hardly watch her anymore. But at the same time, I wanted to be there with her. During her final moment with us. After a few minutes, I gave up. I couldn't watch. It's too devastating. Her cries, still stuck at the back of my head until today.

I washed my face and started sobbing again. But I went ahead to get ready to go to PJ for business purposes despite the guilt that I had to leave her alone.

I cried silently everytime I think of her. I miss her.


September 18, 2009. 8.30 am.

Akak buried Oleen. I did not follow, I did not watch. I stayed inside, baking cakes to distract myself. I hope she knows that even though I'm not there when she was buried, I love her to bits. Truly one of the few cats that bonded with me in no time.

Chasing shadows of rainbows? Hmmm...

It's funny how a simple smiley emoticon could cheer you up for the rest of the day. How a text message can turn your life around for a brief moment. Boost your energy unlike Gatorade. Light up your mood even when you're having your PMS. Put a smile on your face and keep on smiling like an idiot the whole way. Colours your black and white life.

It's even funnier when a simple act of gesture like a big fat hug, or a peck on the cheek could bring back old memories in a swoosh of time. The good, old memories..spent together without any regrets, doubts or hassles whatsoever. Laughters and jokes were the main course. Totally change your life by making everything bearable. Even when you're stressing yourself out.. You know you can get through it no matter what. You just need the right person to go to and everything will be okay after that.

But, it isn't funny anymore when you know that that feeling can be crushed in a matter of seconds. Tick,tock,tick,tock. The clock is ticking. The bomb is waiting to explode. Anytime soon. Adrenalin's pumping. Bungee-jumping or Solero Space Shot in Genting couldn't be worse than this!? Then silence. Everything just went kaput. And you can't recall what just happened. It happened so fast that it just proved the theory that time does not wait for anyone. Oh yeah. It's even faster than those F1 racing cars, that I'm sure of.

Then you just realised...That you're chasing rainbows that's not even there anymore. No sparkles. No rain. No sunshine. No beautiful colours in the sky to tell you that it's gonna be a great day. Those days were long gone. Now you're just chasing shadows of the past that you know you can't hold on to.

It's time to let go. Regardless of what they say. This paper heart here won't heal in a matter of seconds. It takes months or years to heal the wound/puncture/hole/defect. I don't care what you're gonna say. But I can tell you this. I'm slowly picking up the pieces and patiently putting them back together. Time will heal. No need for anti-depressants or sleeping pills. Na-ah.

Thanks for the memories. I'm sure we are made for great things in life. Or at least, I'm sure you are. Good luck in everything, especially your new hope and future. We are going to be fine. Totally. I still have faith in you. So no betrayals this time!

P/S. We're still friends, aren't we? ;P

Don't matter anymore?

It hurts when you don't matter to some people anymore like you used to,ain't it? Sigh..


"So bottle up old love, throw it out to sea. Watch it away as you cry. A year has passed. The seasons go." -My paper heart




P/S: Mama adopt another cat? Oh my..

Hold my hand, lead the way

I just had that dream last night.
The same one I've been having every once in a while since 9 months ago.
Twice or thrice a month.
THE dream. Sigh.

When is it gonna end?
Am I forgiven?
Have I moved on?
Is that particular person still mad at me?
Used to wake up in the middle of the night with teary-eyes
We fought again and again, and I cried every single time
Why is it so hard to let go of someone you love and really care for?
Are they blind? Can't they see? Or are they just choosing not to care?
What happen to the beautiful memories that we have shared?
Don't they mean anything at all?

I just want things to be OK between us.
I know that you have changed, but things don't have to change if you don't want them to.
I miss you a lot, I really do.
I just wish that I can reset my life the way I want it to be.
If I knew that it would hurt this much, I'd erase them all and then erase you.
I would.